Lately, conversations with friends and clients have swirled around the idea of lying to ourselves.
How do you even know it’s happening? It’s incredibly difficult to know because our mind generates lies to obscure truths we can’t yet identify.
How can you “live your truth” if you don’t even know what your truth is?
You can’t live authentically until you understand how it feels when you’re lying to yourself.
To our egos, the truth is an elusive and tantalizing object of prey. Our minds hunt for the truth like a bargain shopper, and when any inkling of it emerges (especially if it’s counter to the fear factory), it’s systematically eradicated – often well before we are aware it ever tried to surface.
Our truth silently suffocates under a white blanket of lies.
So, how do you identify fiction and unveil authenticity?
Ask yourself the following questions…
Are you procrastinating on anything?
Procrastination is often an indication of an agreement made out of alignment. An agreement made out of fear (of scarcity, rejection, displeasing someone, etc.) is not one that the REAL you wants to keep; it’s counter-productive to your soul purpose. YOU know that, but your fear-based ego has infinite believable justifications to go a different direction. When you are scared to do the right thing, there are a million excuses not to do it. Your ego makes sure of that; steering you to instead make regrettable or less-than-enjoyable decisions. This keeps you in a cycle of learning from what you don’t want, instead of from validation of your true desires.
Procrastination can also be an indication that a deeper truth is ready to emerge and your ego is fighting mightily to suppress it. When you get ready to do the right thing (for you) – to take action on that dream or yours, to leave your husband, to ditch college, to ask him out – dragging your feet will start to look reallllllly good. All of a sudden, your office is screaming to be organized, it’s time to redo your website, it’s time to get really busy…
Whenever you find yourself procrastinating, dig into the reason(s) why and you’ll likely discover a lie you told yourself.
Try this story on for size: Pretend you are a writer with something in the works to sell (a program, a book, etc). You have been procrastinating writing guest content for other websites… It’s something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time because you have a LOT to say and you just know that there are people out there who would slurp up your words, if only they knew about you. But, you’ve been “too busy” to write anything outside of your own blog posts. (THIS IS LIE #1).
“Too busy” probably has a steady undertone in your head that sounds this: Your website/program/workshop/ebook aren’t ready (or perfect) yet. You should wait until you launch something/achieve perfection and THEN start writing those articles. God forbid anyone come to your site NOW (shudder).
(THESE ARE MORE LIES.)
And then, the under-undertone-biggest-lie-of-all: You alone are not a worthy enough offering to the world.
There you have it. The deeper truth that your ego would prefer remain wrapped?
You are always worthy, you are always enough, and the time is NOW to show up for yourself.
The ego does a VERY good job veiling that truth because once you realize it, your life necessarily changes. YOU become the captain of yourself, you start taking action, and your ego gets relegated back to the tail-area service crew… a crucial part of the team, but not someone who should fly the plane.
This scenario illuminates how procrastination indicates taking off-purpose action (i.e. action that leads you away from your truth) or imminent emergence of authenticity (i.e. you’re about to figure some shit out).
You might not even realize you’re procrastinating when you:
These are just examples and possible reasons for your procrastination; the list is varied and endless.
So, where are you procrastinating?
What justifications do you come up with for it? What do those justifications tell you about your underlying truth? I have found myself guilty of procrastinating more times than I can count; so you’re definitely not alone in the habit.
When you find yourself procrastinating (or over-justifying yourself), here’s what you can do to shift into action:
- Run through the analysis above and work to discover what truth is begging for acknowledgement.
- Once the truth is revealed, assess whether you need to finish what you started or lovingly walk away.
- Communicate clearly to all parties involved what you’ll be doing next (finishing your project or gently saying no to anything further).
- Stand by your decision.
Be prepared for the ego to run you through a guilt trip, through fears of lack, through uncertainty and remorse.
Those feelings are normal (initial) reactions to standing up for yourself.
If you commit to seeing the project through, finish it as quickly and thoroughly as possible and then wash your hands of it (or anything similar in the future). If you walk away, remember that you don’t need to justify yourself. Be kind, be honest, and move on.
Once you’ve made a decision and taken action to see it through, you’ll feel calmly invigorated, focused, and powerful.
It’s always worth it to uncover your lies.
It’s also usually scary. That’s okay. Your truth is worth facing a little fear for.
Please, continue this journey in the next article of this series: How your body knows you’re lying before you do…